Nov 152013

Today, Constantine asked me to convince him why he should help me work on resilience. Actually, help me help my whole family become more resilient. Right away by the way I was speaking, and the way I did what I did, he thought that I maybe didn’t want his help in that area (or maybe any area for that matter). I said no, and that I thought that resilience building was needed, especially at home. He responded that he thought I was probably just saying these things to satisfy him. He could be quite right, but if so, it was not conscious on my part. All of this led to “do I even want to work on, let alone do anything with resilience building?” I do believe I do. It is quite important to be prepared for any situation that could happen, no matter how unlikely, like actual zombies. With our (the world’s) current situation, we’d all be completely screwed if the zombies were to come, let alone a simple international deadly virus pandemic (which will come at some point). I would like for not only me, but for my whole family to be ready for that, or whatever might come at us (all out nuclear war + EMP, that virus, super super storms, etc). Right up to the point of writing this log, I could not think of, let alone say, anything that seemed the least bit convincing to Constantine (or me). I think maybe why, is that no matter how much I think I know, how much I think I understand, or even how much I want to, I don’t really, really understand it, at all. Therefore, since I don’t really understand it, I don’t want any part of it. That is maybe what’s going on, although I don’t really think so. That may be why I could not (and still cannot) think of anything to convince him to want to help me. Constantine also said that it seemed like to him, that I was taking a mole hill or two, and turning the them into mountains. Not just regular mountains, but mountains of ever increasing size, therefore just complicating the heck out of something so simple as this is. All of this both came from and led to…

This coming Friday, Bill Elasky with 35ish 8th graders from Fed-Hock will be meeting with us, (or rather him, which is my eventual point) for an insight to the business practices of Athens’ Own. Constantine wants to know what I would say to all those kids that would convince them (or more importantly, make them want) to want to work for resilience. In doing that, what could I say to them that would help me, and then help my family with or resilience building. Tuesday being my last day, Friday is obviously beyond that, therefore, it is not a given that I would be there. So, he asked me if I would even want to come in Friday just for that, just to talk to those students.

Right away, I hesitated answering. I think maybe, regardless of what I want or say on the outside, inside I don’t want to. Outside, I do really want to learn, help, be helped, teach and tell about everything about resilience and resilience building. But inside, I think I don’t. It may be because I’m leaving AO, and so I think I don’t really need to, or if I do continue to learn more, I know I won’t fully understand it and so it would just be a waste of my time, or something like that. Each of those are my gut, not fully me. Like with me leaving AO, I don’t really want to, it’s just that I feel it needs to happen (it would happen eventually anyway), and that I need to move on. This could be the same sort of situation. I might not actually want to have anything to do with it, despite me wanting to do a lot with it. I do need to think about his request, what I would talk about, what it really means to me and so on, before I give a real answer to him. I do really want to continue with all of this, just like me wanting to continue my relationship with AO, but I believe that I would not fully enjoy it or understand it, therefore I would not gain nearly as much from it as I could, had I fully and completely wanted it. So, I need to think a lot more about all of this, and come up with an answer for Constantine.

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